The Dating Game

I've made it through my twenties, and have never had a serious boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. This troubles many of my friends, particularly the married ones. I'm not sure why. Is it easier to have four for bridge? Do they think I'll become less eccentric with a good woman? Are they reading first Corinthians and think I'm too aflame with passion? Alright, I'm quipping here. They're being helpful. Romantic love is one of the most powerful joys in God's creation. There's an entire book of the Bible, the Song of Songs, about the joys of unitive love, despite what the theologians might say. Since my friends like me, they hope I can seize upon the thing the poet described as better than wine.

My parents and grandparents also wonder about my nonattachment, though my parents are polite enough not to constantly harass me. It's not that I'm not interested in marriage. My status arises from some combination of interest in other things, lack of confidence, and circumstances. There have always been other important planks in my heart: getting out of Johnstown, not failing college, paying off debt, learning about business and leadership. Then I turn around, I'm 24, and a traveling consultant. I eventually settle down, but by enrolling in a small and very difficult department of statistics, not the best place in the world to meet Catholic women. As I told someone at my high school reunion in 2002, I don't regret my choices; my life is by no means poor, and I don't mind being single.

Around the end of 2003, I made the decision to seriously commit to the idea of marriage. This was not simple. Marriage is a major commitment. My career, being a statistician and community leader, could easily give me a fulfilling life. There are jobs and positions that don't leave the time or space for a proper loving marriage (though I do not automatically consider Catholic priesthood on that list). If I find someone I love and who loves me and we form a family, that's a priority and a commitment. Also notice I said "If". I am ready to find someone with whom to share my life, but I'm not going to rush, and I'm going to be careful and cautious. 25 years from now, I want to be interested in what she did that day, and she'll be interested in me, and we'll want to be together. That's Happily Ever After; reading the link explains some of my position. For one thing, it shows that I'm a romantic. That makes this a little tough.

So now what? One option would be to write some sort of personal ad. Perhaps I should pen something like this, an excerpt of an actual paid entry in the July 2003 issue of Harvard Magazine. It speaks for itself.

MORAL CHARACTER IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR: I am seeking a woman with a strong sense of self (not to be confused with elevated levels of self-centeredness). Hopefully, you are extremely honest, ... , passionate, tactile, have descended from a stable gene pool, enjoy several serious friendships, ... You should be 28 to 36 or thereabouts, highly intelligent (this is critical but does not have to be validated with some pretentious degree), principled, athletic, .... I am 6'4", 220 pounds. 50s, and in excellent shape ... I not only look 20 years younger, I have the soul and body of a 30 year old. ... I am looking for a life partner to spend the fruits of my labor with, marry, and have a family.

Somehow, I don't consider that the best ad ever. (Yes, I edited it, but I didn't remove the good parts. If anything, this is less outrageous than the original.) How does one verify a stable gene pool? Is there some sort of age meter for souls? I think I'll follow a better model when writing my introduction. Plus, I'm not paying $4 per word. Am I a wimp for posting it here, but not using one of the services? Perhaps, but I can also go as long as I want and put in lots of links and such. I'm also starting slowly.

My Personal Ad

One of the last gentlemen. Single progressive Catholic male, 30, 6'1", athletic, brown hair and alluring grey bedroom eyes. A Midwestern classic, who carries handkerchiefs and wears fedoras, but also can cook dinner for 12 and juryrig an electric scooter. Wide interests: enjoys softball, card games, theology, Buffy, the Economist, and hopeless romanticism. Former consultant, current Ph. D. candidate in statistics, future businessman and philanthropist. Seeks smart, sweet, Catholic woman, 25-34, to grow into friendship and love. adam@twelvefruits.com

I answered some questions about my Catholic faith on this page. A lot of common non-religious questions, like movies, books, and hobbies, are on my About Me and Hobbies pages, accessible through the links or the buttons at the bottom of the page. Also, I make a literary reference to what attracts me on my so-called blog, Musings After Midnight; look for "My Clarisse". And Happily Ever After talks about my hopes from the perspective of the fairy tale. A lot of the facets of the soul that's R. Adam Molnar of Chicago, Illinois are there. Perhaps you'll be enchanted.